During one of her Charity Shop trawls, Libby obtained two very nice solid oak stools. They were a lot nicer than they were comfortable – especially for me as the well blessed alfa male, so I decided to do something about it.
There were two options – upholster a stool with a memory foam and fabric top or anatomical profiling of the thick oak top to provide even support. I chose the latter.
The ingredients required were :-
A plastic tray with 50mm sides the same size as the stool top
A jar of Vaseline
3kg of plaster of paris.
A large plastic bucket
A plaster stirring blade to fit into an electric drill for mixing said plaster of paris
An electric routing machine and selection of ball routing cutters
A 3D pantograph router guide to copy the profile of the plaster template into the wooden top.
An orbital sander for smoothing the wood after routing
Some fine grade abrasive papers to achieve a fine finish
Lots of elbow grease
A tin of Danish Oil for staining and polishing to profiled top to match the rest of the stool.
Old sponge for applying the oil
Dust mask
Protective eye goggles
Rubber gloves
Old clothes
Procedure.
Place the plastic tray on a firm surface at sitting height.
Remove clothes and apply a good even coat of Vaseline to your nether regions as a barrier against the plaster of paris. Ensure it gets well into all folds and cracks
Mix the plaster of paris into a firm mortar and pour into the plastic tray.
Immediately sit in the mortar in a normal pose until the plaster fully sets. It takes up to 7 minutes.
Pray or cross fingers - then stand up hoping that the Vaseline has worked
With luck you now have a plaster negative image of your rear end to use for a routing template.
Attach the template and router to the 3D trapezoidal pantograph router guide, position the stool and lock in in position, then carefully profile the stool top to produce an exact negative profile of your nether regions.
Use the orbital sander to smooth away the router tool marks followed by manual sanding to get the required smooth finish
Using the sponge, apply the Danish Oil evenly to bring out the oak colour and grain.
You now have a personalised stool which has a perfect 3D imprint of yourself so accurate you can see that in my case the testicle troughs are not symmetrical and the penis pocket carries slightly to the left.
Oops – I forgot one of the ingredients
A fertile mind and spoofing habit.
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