the leaving home syndrome

Europeans appear to follow a tradition of kids leaving home at 18 yrs approx and making their own way. but is this the best option for family cohesiveness. Sure if you have no real family yes you leave or a bad family - yes you leave. The Arabs do it differently as well as the Southern Europeans and Chinese [well at least they used to] but does this severing from the family nest give the best outcome or disintergration?



the european style seems to be a sudden transition whilst the southern ueropeans and ME and FE some to do it much more gently?

leaving home





the beatles seem to immortalize it in the song "She's leaving home"

I went to live somewhere else and with someone else - but I never left home.

I left home when I was 19, which I think now was probably too young. 

My Son left at 19 when he got married and Daughter went at 18 when she joined the police force and in training.

I didn't leave home.....home left me !
When both my parents had died early, I was 15

yes it seems to be a fatal british flaw - not yours Malcolm!

malcolm wrote:

I didn't leave home.....home left me !
When both my parents had died early, I was 15

Such a sad outcome for you. 
I suppose that, being a Mum, the thought of your situation at that time really 'upsets' me. 

Irene wrote:

I left home when I was 19, which I think now was probably too young. 

My Son left at 19 when he got married and Daughter went at 18 when she joined the police force and in training.

interesting - why do you think that now Irene? and if you can share how did you feel when your son and daughter left - I was told my mother cried herself to sleep for three months after I left at 18 - I feel so sad about that now and if I could would reverse it!!

What I did omit in my previous post, was the fact that I was expecting my first child, who was born 3 months before I was 20.  

We didn't consider that we 'had to get married'.  In actual fact we had planned to become engaged at the time we got married.  Marriage and leaving home happened somewhat sooner than the plan.  

I believe that leaving home then, whilst still under the limiting freedom of my parents, had an effect on my loss of freedom between childhood and that which comes with university or another form of living away from my birth home.  Therefore with immediate effect, l lost the opportunity to stand on my own two feet before being tied down to marriage and motherhood.  

However, I did make up for it later in life.  ;)

I will complete my answer to your question about the children leaving home in the morning...

I am just off to bed - I am an early to bed, early to rise individual.  Good night, will talk to you again tomorrow.  x

davo wrote:

interesting - why do you think that now Irene? and if you can share how did you feel when your son and daughter left - I was told my mother cried herself to sleep for three months after I left at 18 - I feel so sad about that now and if I could would reverse it!!

To continue...
My son still lived locally when he moved on at 19 years of age.  I saw him regularly and remained close.  I realised that I had to stand aside and allow him to proceed with his life.  I would always be (and have always been) there for him whenever for whatever.

When my daughter 'left' at 18, it was for her chosen career.  The initial training required her to 'live-in' at Ryton-on-Dunsmore Police Training College.  They were a close knit community and well disciplined, so I felt that she was safe in their care.  Had she left home at that age for other reasons, I might well have felt quite different.  As with her brother, I had to stand aside and allow her to persue her chosen career. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, they have both achieved success in their lives.  So, in spite of the difficulty in releasing them, I hope that my actions contributed to the quality of their futures.

a noble choice dear lady a noble choice - I guess the other side of the coin is that many teenagers [perhaps European more so] feel excited about leaving home and being independent whereas in other cultures the desire is perhaps not so strong?