What school reports really mean:
A born leader = Runs a protection racket
Easy going = Bone idle
Making good progress = Slightly less awful than last year
Friendly = Never shuts up
Helpful = A creep
Reliable = Informs on his friends
Expresses himself confidently = A rude bastard
Enjoys physical education = A bully
Does not accept authority easily = Dad is in prison
Often appears tired = Insomniac telly addict
A rather solitary child = He stinks and has no friends
Popular in the playground = Sells porn
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