Blame andsome

andsome and I are long time buddies and sparring partners on a forum which is suffering a slow and lingering death.

I post various things including jokes, funny stories and pictures there - he adds the groans.

I am now 79 - but soon 80 - and a long retired engineering manager with a background in the aluminium industry. I finished work at the age of 60 after spending 12 years working and living in Bahrain, Dubai and the USA.

My hobbies are staying alive, travel, keeping management happy, full bodied red wine, good food and amateur computer guru for friends and family.


I like the look of this place - I just might stick around and post a few groaners to tease andsome with. 

Andsome is our long-serving and valued member here and I am very glad to welcome one of his friends to the site.
It is an excellent well laid out and easy to use format, all we need is a few more members.
So get stuck in !
I shall remove your probationary status and make you a full member right  away.

Thank you for the welcome kind sir - I will try hard to behave myself. Unfortunately I seem to be going through a second childhood.

Welcome from me Alan

AlanHo wrote:

Thank you for the welcome kind sir - I will try hard to behave myself. Unfortunately I seem to be going through a second childhood.

No one behaves themselves here ... least all of Malcolm. the rest of us just try our best to live up, or should that be down ... to his standards.

You will get to love sag's intelligence and wit if you stay a while Alan

What? Did you think I was kidding Malcolm. You're one of the naughtiest chaps I know

Hi Alanho go to the dentist section he needs to fix ya teeth!!

davo wrote:

Hi Alanho go to the dentist section he needs to fix ya teeth!!

Only just noticed this thread.  Alan will need watching, he keeps busting the other forum.  It goes off line every few days, and is as slow to use as crawling through treacle. He comes from the rough area of Brum, namely Solihull. As toy can see from his avatar, he wears false teeth.

I don't think there is any need to respond - you all must have sussed andsome as a reprobate who is  prone to exaggeration.

But I will respond as follows


You know this World is complicated and imperfect and oppressed

And it’s not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed

It seems all around us tides of questions ebb and flow

And people want solutions but they don’t know where to go


Opinions abound about who is wrong and who is right

People need a prophet – a diffuser of the light

Someone they can turn to – as the crisis’s rage and swirl

Someone with the remedy – the wisdom – the pearl


Well they should have asked old andsome - He’d have told them without favour

His thoughts on immigration, teenage mothers, and New Labour

The ‘elf and safety culture, the stupid nanny state

The obscene bankers bonuses, the crappy interest rate


Yes they should have asked old andsome, he can sort out any mess

He can rejuvenate the railways, he can cure the NHS

So any little niggle, any single thing you want to know

Just run it past old andsome, wind him up and let him go


Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs

The damage to the ozone layer, refugees and drugs

These may defeat the brain of any other bloke

But present it to old andsome and he’ll solve it at a stroke

 

Computers are a specialty – if your problem is confusing

He’ll trump up an instant remedy, that experts find confusing

Get rid of Norton, install Win 10, abandon Windows Seven

The panacea for computer ills, you’ll think you’ve gone to heaven

 

He will clarify the situation, he will make it crystal clear

You’ll feel the glazing of your eyeballs and the bending of your ear

Upon these tricky areas he brings his intellect to shine

In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine

 

I often wonder what it’s like to be so incredibly strong

infallible, articulate, self-confident and wrong

The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears

And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears


I bet his friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives you know

It’s not every day you want to hear a windbag suck and blow

Encyclopedias not needed – on them he does not call

Why clutter up the bookshelf – when old andsome knows it all

Hey Mr --Andsome is a mate of mine--very nice chap

AlanHo that was a brilliant piece of work
I know it was in jest Andsome is a good man and a good poster
But your rhyme was well written and very funny !

Pam Ayres wrote it - I changed it from 'er 'usband to andsome.

I did it a few years ago when andsome was much better looking and more tolerable. You guys have a strong stomach..............

So .... AlanHo.. what we need now is another epic like that one, and might I say, a very funny poem, but about your merits.