My Fear of Ladders

Subject: My Fear of Ladders Fri Aug 06, 2021 4:04 pm

I'm perfectly happy using domestic steps but have a phobia about climbing ladders above about 10 feet high.

I know exactly when it started and I'm going to tell you about it. It just might give you a laugh.

Preamble

Some years ago I was Engineering Manager at a large aluminium rolling and extrusion factory in Birmingham. We had a large design, engineering and maintenance department totalling more than 250 staff I was responsible for.

The factory had a 2 week shut-down in July/August each year which was the busiest period of the year for our engineers and maintenance staff. Every year one or more of the aluminium melting furnaces would need to be re-lined with refractory bricks and its 150 tall steel chimney inspected and any necessary remedial work carried out. There were 3 such chimneys which each had a vertical steel ladder attached to one side. The ladders had safety hoops around them which I always thought was a more psychologic feature than really a practical safety one. You would still obey the law of gravity if you lost your footing and grip on the ladder and descend like a marble in a pin ball machine bouncing between the safety hoops and ladder. The chimneys were about 10 feet in diameter and lined with 8 inches of refractory brick. The chimney was topped with a rim of angle iron about 6 inches wide.

That sets the scene of crime

Scene 1

We employed a family of steeplejacks to look after the chimneys. Rough and ready but very skilled comprising old Joe Clover and his two sons.

Joe was the perpetrator in this tale. Those aiding and abetting were 3 of my engineers and I was the hapless victim.

I was sitting at my desk and Joe wandered into my office, a cigar firmly clammed in his chops and he was accompanied by his runny nose and cough. He was wearing his usual scruffy overcoat he perhaps bequeathed to detective Columbo He said to me that the capping iron on chimney No 2 was loose - the rivets had rusted and it was in a dangerous condition. He added that I needed to climb back up with him to agree the repairs. My immediate reaction - a firm "No - I take your word for it Joe - get on with it and invoice the extra cost".

Can't do that says Joe - I need proper authorisation and cough, cough, cough you must come and see it. An argument ensued which attracted 3 of my engineers to come to the door and join with JOe who was taking the mickey for me being "chicken". You guessed the outcome didn't you - I marched out with Joe to climb the chimney to confirm that despite the sweaty brow and nervous tremor I was actually Macho man.

Scene 2

I went up the chimney first, determined to do it and making every effort not to look down. Joe followed under me, urging me to, "cough, cough, get a frigging move on we aint got all day".

I eventually reached the top and could see that a section of the capping ring had broken loose and shouted down to Joe - OK, I've now seen it - we can go back down. He didn't reply, suddenly I could feel the ladder shaking and a shadow fell over me - Joe had climbed out onto the safety hoops, stepped over my shoulder and was now walking around the chimney with his old coat blowing at 45 degrees in the breeze. I was totally terrified because he was walking around the top comprising 8 inches of brickwork and 6 inches of angle iron which was clearly loose in places. I calculated that he was 150 feet up, in a breeze, nonchalantly walking on a 14 inch wide rim with certain death on both sides. When he started to bend down and yank at the steel angle to demonstrate the problem I damned near fainted.

He came back to the ladder, climbed back over me on the outside of the safety hoops and said OK follow me down.

I couldn't - My white knuckles were clamped to the top rung and my knees were weak. Joe yelled at me to descend - like "don't be a friggin wimp" and other kind words - between coughs and laughter to help me. It didn't I was stuck permanently to that ladder.

After a few minutes he realised I was in trouble so decided to help by grabbing one of my ankles and pulling my foot down to the next rung. I then experience my first panic attack ever.

Scene 3 The Descent

The next hour or so was a blur. I vaguely remember one of Joe's sons climbing up and above me having tied a rope round my chest and under my arms. Somehow they get me down to terra firma where my 3 engineers were rather shame faced about being responsible for my bravado. I'm sure they were actually worried that the salary review was due in December and I could so easily wreak retribution then. But I didn't.

So now - 55 years later - I still have a fear of ladders.

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